roundabout 2006

"Roundabout" causing a stir in Caledonia

   Many local residents are asking, "What was wrong with the way we used to drive around Soldiers’ Monument?" After more than 100 years of navigating the monument "in our own way," with rarely an incident, the State Department of Transportation created a traffic roundabout in Caledonia that has many residents confused and unsure of how to drive around it.

   In the past, motorists who are going around the monument, or who are in the traffic circle, have stopped for oncoming traffic. Now, the roundabout requires motorists who in the traffic circle to keep moving. Motorists approaching the traffic circle from the north, south, east and west must yield and/or stop and allow traffic in the circle to proceed. Yield signs have replaced stop signs at the corners of North Street (Rt. 36 N) and East Avenue, causing many motorists to be confused as to who they are supposed to yield to, and who is supposed to proceed first.

   Mayor Caluorie says he’s heard a lot of grumbling from people who think it’s more confusing now than ever.

Caledonia's traffic circle wasn't broken.
Why did the state have to fix it?
By Jeff Mallaber

Legendary humorist Will Rogers once said, "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." Mr. Rogers, permit me to introduce you to the New York State Department of Transportation.

Recently, the D.O.T. decided that New York State Route 5 needed a facelift. So, being a government agency, the D.O.T. reached into the public bank account and extracted a big bag of money to pay for resurfacing the road that runs through Livingston County in Avon and Caledonia.

This is an example of our government stepping up to take care of the people. That's a good thing, right? Well, you would think so, but you would be wrong.

   You see, along with the simple resurfacing of the road, the state put some traffic engineers to work redesigning traffic patterns.

   For those of you who are not familiar with the profession, traffic engineers spend years getting a highly-specialized education that eventually qualifies them to design streets and roads that make it impossible to get from Point A to Point B without a helicopter.

   Some time ago, in the bowels of a D.O.T. office building hidden somewhere in the Catskills, a traffic engineer opened up a map of Caledonia and saw that the main intersection at the center of town had no traffic lights, just two stop signs and a monument.

   This is the type of thing that keeps traffic engineers awake at night. Then, upon further review, he found out that the people of Caledonia and the surrounding communities have been using that intersection for about 100 years, give or take a decade, virtually without incident. This was the last straw.

   He set himself to the task of creating a traffic plan so bizarre that Dale Earnhardt Junior couldn't get through the circle without a horrible collision.

   The result went into effect on Thursday, September 21. It is a day that will go down in traffic engineering history.

The heart of the plan involved removing the stop signs that formerly adorned the north and east corners of the intersection, and replacing them with yield signs. It was a good first step, but our hero wasn't through. He took two more yield signs and stuck them at the other two corners (south and west).

That's right folks. We now have an intersection with a yield sign at all four corners.

A cynical person would ask, "If everyone has to yield to everyone else, how does anyone ever get to actually proceed through the intersection?" But that is the beauty of the plan. You literally cannot enter the intersection without breaking the law. What better way to cut down on that pesky rush hour congestion?

   For the ordinary traffic engineer, this would have been a triumph, the culmination of a life dedicated to the proposition that a simple commute is a dull commute.

   But our hero was not satisfied. The great ones never are.

   Our guy took a look at the four-way yield and said to himself "Yeah, but what if someone actually makes it into the intersection? How will I stop him from getting where he wants to go?"

It came to him in a flash reminiscent of the moment that the apple fell on Sir Isaac Newton's head. "I know," he exclaimed in joy. "I'll cover the intersection with a mishmash of painted lane markings that Einstein himself could not decipher!"

The product of his vision is there for all to see. It is a modern art nightmare such as one might find in Jackson Pollock's dumpster.

There are yellow and white lines which appear to have no relationship to the actual flow of traffic. The driver is left to decide which color he or she likes best and forge ahead in the hope that the tractor trailer driver on the other side of the intersection shares his fondness for yellow.

It is entirely conceivable that a motorist could enter the traffic circle/maze and become mesmerized by the perplexing geometric beauty of the lane markings. The poor unfortunate would be doomed to circle the monument until he runs out of gas or goes insane from frustration.

   In the diabolical world of the professional traffic engineer, this is what is known as a home run.

   We live in a state where health care is becoming a luxury reserved for the very rich, where gasoline costs 30 cents more per gallon than any other state in the union, where Hillary Clinton and George Pataki are the two most prominent leaders.

   Don't we have bigger problems than small town traffic flow? Maybe so. But for now, you can rest easy, New York. Caledonia motorists will no longer be left to fend for themselves at the four corners.

   The State of New York, with its army of traffic engineers, has saved us from simplicity. Driving is a challenge again, and we have the state to thank for it.

   Somewhere. Will Rogers is laughing.

Jeff Mallaber lives in Caledonia, where he observes developments in local traffic from his law office.